Monday, May 3, 2010

Short Glossary of Feminine Typologies

Femme Fatale

She knows what men want and how to give them that. And, beyond all, she knows what she wants. And how to get it. Even in the rare cases when Nature has not endowed her with the beauty of Aphrodite, her charm and sexuality will draw to her web any male creature who has something she desires. She will make use of her emotional intelligence to detect the week points of the pray. She will use well crafted words as bate. She will hypnotize with tender glances, shadowed by long eyelashes. 
She calculates moves like a professional chess player. She hides her true reactions just as poker opponent. And she fights for her desire with the tenacity of an athlete. 
And, even if you might find that everything is a mirage, it would be too late...because she will have already become a drug you're willing to pay everything for.

The Thinker

Nature has been kind, endowing her with multiple talents. She develops scripts with the vision of a Hollywood director. She's tormented by questions more than Hamlet. She analyses relativity more than Einstein. Actually, she analyses everything.
She dreams of the ideal man, but even when she crashes into him like the Armagedon meteor crashed into Earth, she will step aside from danger because something must be fishy. And she needs a short break to find at least 147 reasons why the ideal is not ideal: he doesn't know the steps of the Viennese Waltz; his blue eyes may hex; he appears to be jealous, because he only sends yellow roses; he's too old style because he opens the car door for her. 
Inside her head, there is a web of "what if", "perhaps" and "maybe". And no matter what, regardless of how you are, you will never be able to avoid comparisons, analyses and investigations. 

The Slave

She cooks, does laundry, irons, cleans the house. Everything for you. Everything so that you are happy. Everything so that you, ungrateful idiot, will realize that she is the ideal woman. That you will find no better. Ever! Maybe one day, a revelation will strike you and you'll rush into the jewelery store, in a quest to find the long-wished for diamond. Until then, she'll bake a couple of more pies, maybe they'll do the trick.
She asks for nothing in exchange of what she does, except for love, appreciation, security. She only wants you to love her as much as she loves you. 

The Masochist

She's attracted by the "bad boys", the worst boys. Boorishness gives her thrills. The "wicked" words with flavors of jargon and slum makes her tremble with excitement. Phrases like "I'm sick of you" or "go away, woman, I'm bored of you" make her want you more and more. Show her any small sign of affection and she'll throw you away like an old pair of socks. And if you've made the (fatal and irreversible) mistake to send her flowers (like all suckers do), you've lost her forever. And ever!

The Mirror

She likes all that you like. Everything. Music, movies, places, people... if you like them, she'll definitely like them as well. Oh, you have sooo much in common! You resemble each other like a couple of rain drops. What if she has never heard a Vivaldi chord in her entire life? He's been her favorite composer ever since she was a baby! What if she's barely heard of Dostoievski? After a short but intensive study of Wikipedia, she'll give you an analysis of "The Idiot" before you realize that "The Idiot", in this story, is only yourself.

The Pussycat

She may be recognized by the positioning of her branded purse on the left forearm, the acrylate prolongations of her fingernails and the fuchsia lipstick (it's trendy this year). She prefers onomatopoeia like "Wooooow", "Yeeeeeeey" or long vowels, with dramatic inflexions ("Reeeeeeeeaaaaally?", "Don't teeeeeeeell!") She is a known fan of shiny accessories, clothes designed by (and wearing the brand of) a famous designer and cooooool cars. 
She tries to be a Femme fatale, but instead of charm she possesses vulgarity, instead of intelligence she has gypsy music tunes and instead of style she has languorous moves of the hips. She is beautiful. And that is it. 

The Friend

She knows you want nothing more than her friendship. But that doesn't stop her from hoping that, one day, you'll come back into your senses and you'll realize how wonderful she is. Until then, she will carefully listen to your problems, she will give you a shoulder to cry for your ex on and she'll serve as an inexhaustible spring of useful advice.
You share bits of the past, fragments of dreams, nights on the beach and guitar songs on top of the mountains. She will use all these, spiced with fine nylon garments and transparent silk dresses, in order to become what she knows that you long for in a woman. And, sometimes, she will actually succeed. 

The Healer

Also known as "The Mother of all Injured", she is a magnet for men with mental traumas and after-effects. She is convinced that she can cure them of all their past demons. Do you suffer of unrequited love? Is your ego bleeding because of an arrogant lady? The Healer will wait for you with an infusion of compassion, a potion of optimism and a tincture of paradigm shift. 
She will put together healing ointments, medicines for the heart and the body, spells to exorcise ghosts and she will give you the calyx of eternal health: Herself. 

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